just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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