Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
