They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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