I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Send help, water and tortillas.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize