There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
