Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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