things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
