Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
