I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
