thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
