i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
