After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
