My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
