Duck Duck Cougar?
someone owes me an orgasm
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
