atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
