im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
