After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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