Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
