Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
