Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
