me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
