on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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