Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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