ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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