Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
