I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
