all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
