in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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