playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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