I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just gift wrapped bread.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
