I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
