So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
