i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
