i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I wear drunk well.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize