Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
