3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
