just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
