Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
