hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
