She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
