man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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