If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize