my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
