How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
