Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
