You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
