just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
