Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
