Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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