You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
