like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
