i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
what day is it and did you see me today?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
