He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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