i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I would ride that face into the sunset
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
