You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
