I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
