Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
