oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
