i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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