Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
