But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
operation have a gay friend backfired
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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