I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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