is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
