My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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