The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
