thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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